Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001) watch online HD

It's great to see a low budget b-movie that actually looks and feels like a real B-movie! The genre has become so artificially popularized and 'fetishized' that most recent low budget films have seemed more like relatively capable ventures trying to 'appear' as b-movies. I always felt the overall cinematic incompetence of b-movies was a result of poor financial and technological resources available to the filmmaker. Today the idea of a consciously manipulated shaky digicam is considered to be 'low-tech'. How pretentious! Sorry, I just don't have the ability to reconcile the inherent academic quagmire of the high-tech/low-tech dichotomous relationship that is today's modern b-cinema. Any filmmaker can now pretend to be Orson Welles or Roger Corman rather than find himself forced to follow one or the other due to his vision and associated resources.

So how does this all preface a review of "Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter"? Well, here's a grungy little film that never finds a slick moment and something about that is really satisfying. The acting, camera-work, sound, editing, lighting, dubbing and just about every other cinematic component is raw and unrefined... and this is precisely the kind of film they intended to make! All the members of this film - director Demabre, writer Driscoll, the actors, the vampires, the zombies, the lesbians, the corpses, the atheists, the bystanders, the props, the locations - seem to be complicit in the joke. Everyone seems to be having a great time just trying to commit this crazy idea to film.

But should you actually see this film? If you grew up watching b-movies, and aged into understanding what the genre is all about, then you'll easily sink into this little bloodlust and likely soil yourself by the end credits. If you recently discovered b-movies because of some oblique connection to Quentin Tarantino and a brief sitting through the 'Blair Witch Project' you'll think it's far too low-brow and a waste of good film stock - not to mention being embarrassed in front of your beret-wearing, gitannes-smoking, art-house friends for seeing such a film.

"Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter" is a riot from beginning to end. Like many of it's great predecessors ("A Polish Vampire in Burbank" comes to mind) it's an ironic, creative, cliched genre experiment wrapped up in a consciously handicapped final package. Phil Caracas, who plays Jesus, has the kind of hardened gristled features we've seen on the faces of actors like Gary Oldman and Bruce Campbell. Like Campbell, Caracas never falters with his role - he remains in character and truly projects the necessary determined, single-minded missionary/militant slayer attitude throughout. This no-name actor is actually very good! Unlike Campbell though, Caracas only appears to be about 5'2" tall, but that somehow adds an even greater depth to his character's anger!

The kung-fu sequences are surprisingly well conceived and executed for such a film. The action is always hilarious and, as viewers, we're constantly aware that the actors are just barely fulfilling the required stunt choreography. One can imagine the director shouting, "Cut! That's good enough. We'll just have to go with that and fix it in editing!" But in this film even the editing phase is likely to be a clunky non-fix. Classic! Most memorable are the scenes of Jesus using drum sticks and pool cues to kill vampires in a jazz club, and a daylight vampire battle in a park where real families can be seen picknicking and playing in the background. A true b-movie cares not for silly protocol such as securing a proper location shoot!

Find this film... somewhere... watch it, and poop your pants!

Jesus returns to fight an army of lesbian vampires, atheists, and mad doctor and a confused white guy. Helping him are Mary Magnum and El Santos, the Saint of the Wrestling ring. A mix of funny characters and ridiculous fight scenes make this one of the coolest movies on the planet. If your into weird, sacrilegious humor, this movie is for you!

JCVH is possibly one of the greatest examples of great movies that suck. JCVH is an awesome movie for this reason. True fans of film and people who have been at the bottom of the game understand what a hassle it can be to work without a budget. This film has some of the cheesiest effects that i've seen, but that is where it scores it's major points. With it's unbelievable amount of originality it's hard to understand how anyone could not want to see this movie. Most cynical reviewers will attack it's lack of 5 star acting, or it's lack of big budget effects, but the true deciding factor in a real fan of cinema's eyes is heart. This movie was scrounged together (For those of you who actually took the time to watch the special features on the DVD) and yet it was a huge favorite at many a film festival. This movie deserve much more credit that it is given, and I am going to see that it gets it.

One cannot expect a serious film with a title like "Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter", but even when this low-budget b-movie delivers nothing but laughs, it still has an interesting point and an important message behind its blasphemous wackiness. It is definitely a comedy that replaces budget with brains and successfully transcends its own limitations delivering great entertainment.

The plot is certainly as bizarre as its title: the lesbians of Ottawa are the victims of the increasing population of vampires that seems to be focusing only in them. A group of young Catholic priests become aware of this and have asked the Catholic church for help, but the church doesn't want to help them because it doesn't want to get involved with homosexuals. The priests call their last resource, Jesus Christ (Phil Caracas) himself, who decides to come back to the world to help the lesbians and to prove that homosexuals should not be ignored by the Church.

The movie is a weird mix of good slapstick and well-written irreverent comedy, as it is probably the only movie where Jesus sings, smashes atheists with Kung-Fu moves and receives the aid of Mexican wrestler "Santo" (named "Santos" and played by Jeff Moffet). Independent filmmaker Lee Demarbre and writer Ian Driscoll create a wacky ride of action, horror and comedy in a charming way that one can't help but love their take on Jesus.

Phil Caracas is superb in the role of the messiah and carries the film over his shoulders with grace. His performance is very good, and even when his character has to use modern clothes, he still makes a believable Jesus. Caracas definitely has a bright future as a comedian. Maria Moulton plays Mary Magnum, an agent who is decided to help Jesus in his fight against the vampires. She probably is the best of the cast and her character is not only pretty, but also probably a very meaningful one. Jeff Moffet as Santo is very funny and while his portrayal of the legendary wrestler is a humorous one, it serves to prove the influence of Santo in horror films.

Probably many will be offended by this movie, however, the movie stays true to real Jesus' message of peace, love and understanding. It is an intelligent critic to the homophobic attitude of the Christian religion (specially the Catholic branch) with clever references to the biblical stories and a healthy dose of good humor.

The budget constrains really hurt the film but it is admirable how far the crew went despite their limitations. With a clever use of edition barely manages to "cover" the low-budget problems but still, those problems just add charm to the whole image of "Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter". While the film is by no means perfect, it is a very good effort by these filmmakers.

"Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter" may not be attractive for those expecting well-done acting and effects, but it will please the crowd eager for independent films with more heart than budget. Hopefully in the future the crew behind this small indie masterpiece will receive enough support to create bigger and better films than this. 7/10. Very Recommended.

This certainly was a B movie, you can tell that the budget was very small. It is quite surprising what they managed to accomplish with so little. I find it ironic that many of the blockbuster Hollywood pushes out these days are almost unwatchable despite huge multi million dollar budgets. I would say that before watching this movie I probably couldn't have named a B movie, but I'm glad I saw this one. The special effects and fighting are pretty terrible but, that gives it a lot of it's charm and makes for a really funny watch. I guess it could depend on your sense of humor but, I thought it was a really funny movie, well worth watching at least once.

Cheerfully cheap and good naturedly blasphemous, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is blessed with a once in a lifetime title which makes it irresistible. It is also the first feature-length film by Lee Demarbre, a Canadian director and stars his favourite actor-friend: Phil Caracas, the lead of the director's previous two shorter works, based around the character 'Harry Knuckles'. Caracas has since appeared in a more diffuse second feature by Demarbre, the cunningly named Harry Knuckles And The Pearl Necklace (2004), and presumably will also be seen in his upcoming 'Black Kissinger'.

Described as a "kung-fu action / comedy / horror / musical about the second coming" Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter delivers in varying degrees on all these points, with the good Lord punching out, and then staking out, vampires, this while making with biblical wit, coping with gory attacks from body parts as well as finding time for the odd musical number. The film starts with a rising babble of voices, "Are you there, God? Give me a sign! Let me know you care!" - to which the following narrative provides a playful answer: yes He is there, out drop kicking evil doers, in holy robes, socks and trainers on the dangerous streets of Ottawa. Not before an intro from a bearded prophet though, (unnamed but with echoes of John The Baptist) who draws our attention to the significance of what we will shortly behold, an attempt to fill "the empty house of the soul." Exactly what the prophet has in mind by way of further enlightenment is vague, but without further ado we are plunged into the first vampire attack. In modern times vampires have come on apace since their more traditional forebears, and can now venture out in the daylight. Just as important is the fact that, in this film at least, they only seek out fellow lesbians.

Naturally, this scourge alarms the church, and two clerics are dispatched to fetch the only man who can save the situation - Jesus Christ, found in characteristic baptismal pose at the seashore. Shortly after the Lord offers them refreshment in an exchange recalling loaves and fishes ("Lemonade?" / "Will there be enough?" / "Oh there will be plenty"), lesbian vampires attack them. A first bout of kung fu ensues and Jesus duly shows his mettle. After this temporary setback, and to a books-of-the-Bible countdown, the Lord promptly climbs aboard his scooter and heads back to the city for a haircut, ear piercing, change of clothes and to challenge the forces of evil. Soon he sings a song, in echo of the original entry into Jerusalem (here on a skateboard), encounters his first helper - the curvaceous Mary Magnum, and hears the voice of God speaking from a bowl of cherry ice cream...

Filmed an a minuscule budget, and designed as a gentle parody rather than anything more offensive, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter largely succeeds because of the brisk editing, novelty of conception and the unpretentious involvement of all concerned. No one will pretend that the acting is anything but than rudimentary or that action scenes are not roughly choreographed. But the fun is the thing. Evil in Ottawa eventually takes many forms, including bloody criminal mastermind Johnny Golgotha, the dreaded 'kung-fu atheists' and bars full of vampires - variables dictated one suspects by the pool of talent on hand during any given day. Demarbre has a weakness for martial arts and in themselves Jesus' fights, being just that little bit slow and off the mark, are amusing spoofs of more sophisticated action films. With this challenge in mind, perhaps sensing that the Lord needs some support in the second half, writer-director Demarbre has Christ call on an ally, the famous Mexican wrestling legend Santo (well, okay, not the real celebrity, just a fat guy in a mask). One standout scene features the two, battling vampires in the aptly named Dominion bar. Taking place just after a less than inspirational performance by entertainer Blind Johnny Leper, this battle utilises such disparate items as crutches, billiard cues, and even cocktail sticks as stakes necessary to finish the job.

Foes eventually defeated, Jesus of course confirms matters with a sermon, that "it's the message that's the point, not the messenger" and indeed this salient point might well underline much of the film's success. That one doesn't need an officially approved Christ to make moral points about coping with evil... or, come to that, a hundred million dollars and CGI to make an entertaining movie. (See also: UltraChrist if you liked this one)

I'm not sure what a number of people have against this film. My only ideas is that they have no appreciation of the art form known as film making and instead are expecting multi million dollar Hollywood blockbusters. After I viewed JCVH at our local film festival it was quite apparent to me as to what the intent of the director/ writer was. To play with the kung-fu, horror, musical and action genres, manipulating them as they wish into one finished product. The film was shot on 16mm with a Bolex camera, for those that don't know, a Bolex is an non sync camera which means it is imposable to record sound that is in sync with the film. The intent of the filmmaker was to make a classical style, genre film without it falling into the same category as all the other north American classical films. Does he succeed in his goal? I would definitely say so! The lack of budget built character into the film to such a point that I would say it would have been nowhere near as good if it was just another Hollywood by-product.

I greatly enjoyed this film, as it was identifiable as every independent filmmaker's dream: to make a film on their own terms, that they enjoy, and to see it become a success.

Its the story that the NEW Testament was scared to tell, baby and its Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter the number one movie in the religion/kung fu/lesbian/vampire genre of the year 2001.

It has all the great characters from the Bible, namely Jesus Christ. Not the whiny cry-baby Jesus from that Passion movie that gets his butt kicked. This is the true Jesus, the kung fu SUPER MESSIAH that takes names and kicks those butts.

The Vampires have started to kill and skin lesbians to use their skins so they can walk around in the daylight and only one person (or rather one MESSIAH) can kick those vampires butts.

The Holy One also has to take out some kung fu atheists along the way and he does so with the gusto that would make Bruce Lee PROUD!!

Its not a family film, I mean your church going Momma might have a full blown coronary during the credits but the kids will love it.

I'm a fan of B series movies. I watched this movie a year ago and i'm still yelling it's greatness to everybody who wants to hear it. This is the best B movie ever made. It was of course bad on purpose, but hell it was so good.

OK, picture this, Ottawa is invaded by lesbian vampires who can walk in broad day light...you're screwed? Nah, you just need....Jesus! The lord comes in with his mad Kung Fu skills to kick some *ss over vampires and heretics. That's one of the best scenes of the movie when Jesus slaps like 30 heretics coming out of a smallish car. Jesus wasn't enough for you? Don't worry folks, El Santo comes in to the rescue. So does Mary Magnum.

I deeply love this kind of movie. No pretensions, no messing around, just big time fun. This movie is already a classic within the underground cinema fans.

ETERNAL LIFE TO THE LORD AMEN!

A Brilliant Flick

This movie should become a cult classic. To those who have seen it, the only emotion taken is humor. Combined with its unique soundtrack ,and delayed audio track, this movie makes its way into a viewers heart. With the big characters like Mary Magdolin and the Virgin Mary, and a wrestler named El Santos, and his side kick Oddbottom, this is a film like no other. Its corniness is what made this movie great, combined with important messages for all man kind.

Its all good Its all right EVERYONE gets laid tonight!

For the name alone, I want to give this a ten, but there some serious problems with this off-beat and often entertaining horror/comedy.

Vampires threaten the safety of the world. Who better to throw a beat down on the euro-mythos based blood suckers than the son of God. After a musical number (very funny) Jesus sets about the business of vampire slaying with the help of a sexy mortal girl and Mexican wrestling hero Santos.

Quirky to the extreme, the film tries as hard as it can to be religiously funny without ever crossing too far into the realm of sacrilegious. It may be a tad suspect, but for whatever reason it's never offensive. Jesus is a likable fella, as are his companions. There is some blood and gore, but it is never excessive or out of place.

The pro-sides of the film are some genuinely funny writing and set pieces. The opening song is great, as is the musical number. The fight scenes are pretty decent as well, particularly an early fight sequence where Jesus takes on a vampire clown car endlessly releasing more bad guys. And the way Jesus talks to his mom (Mother Mary) and dad (God) are good for a laugh.

Sadly, other aspects of the film are all kinds of wrong. For one voice looping is so bad I have to imagine that is was intentional. For another the film is way too long; many scenes seem to run endlessly and the pacing is all wrong. Lastly is the budget, or lack there of; the filmmakers do a decent job with what they have, but they often attempt to perform well beyond there means.

A few changes could have made a classic. Still enjoyable, but far from perfect.

7/10

I don't understand the negative comments on this movie. This movie is an undeniable classic. So there isn't hollywood grade acting, gimme a break, it's not supposed to be.

This movie delivers everything it offers to the watchers.

Ass kicking Jesus, Dead Vampires, Lesbians and Laughs.

LOVE IT.

This is certainly not a great movie. It's not even a good movie. But it is an entertaining movie which is fun to watch.

Here's some reasons you might want to watch this: 1. It's fun, in a crazy way. The director's choices are so weird that they can be funny and it is entertaining just to see what he'll come up with next.

2. If you find inept film-making charming or amusing this will be worth it.

3. If you're open to new outlooks on Christ and Christianity, you might find it interesting.

Here's some reasons you might want to stay away: 1. If you can't stand bad film-making this will drive you nuts. The script is terrible, the concept is goofy, the acting (except Phil Caracas and Maria Moulton) is awful, photography and editing are dreadful.

2. Avoid if you're squeamish about lesbians or blood and gore.

3. If you're looking for a film that makes fun of Jesus, this isn't it. At the beginning there are perhaps a few laughs from a guy looking like your stereotypical Jesus doing kung fu but for most of the film the stereotype is jettisoned and the character of Jesus is rebuilt from scratch (good thing too, as the joke would have become old really quickly). This new Jesus is a sympathetic enough guy and the juxtaposition of his new persona with elements of the stereotype can be quite funny. Personally I'm fond of the nightclub singer Blind Jimmy Leper pointing out "our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ" as a celebrity in the crowd, followed by polite applause.

Don't expect too much, and you can have a good time with this.

This could possibly be, no, most definitely was the most incredible waste of 52 minutes. Yes, the movie is actually 85 minutes total running time. 52 is when I tossed up my hands in utter defeat. Clearly a movie meant to entertain only the eight people involved in the film making process. The amateur filmmakers probably get the last laugh though, knowing full well they were trying to pass off a piece of crap as a potential cult classic. I was hoping for a refreshing and fun comedy about Jesus hunting vampires. How could that possibly yield anything other than hilarity? They found a way to suck out any sort of humor from a winning comedic combination. However, if you have a school boy fascination with lesbians, blasphemy, lame acting and repetitive scenes then this is the movie for you! I kept hoping that maybe there was a sense of irony, an extended metaphor or an allusion to deeper work, anything to give the film a shred of interest and I was simply over-looking it, but I really, really, really, doubt it. Please prove me wrong. Help me feel better about my 52 minutes.

When producers, directors, and actors decide to do a B-movie, they walk a very fine line. Campy borders this line but can be pulled off well if acted and shot right (SPACEMAN being the prime example of how to do this successfully). But if they're not careful, they fall into the realm of "student film" or something that looks like a student film. And such was the case with Jesus Christ VAMPIRE HUNTER.

I'm a pretty big low-budget, B-movie guy; I give these productions a lot of leeway when comparing them to large studio flicks simply because these small films don't have the money nor the marketing muscle that the big boys (Paramount, MGM, etc.) have. But my leniency can only stretch so far.

The title of this film should give you a general idea that it isn't to be taken seriously. I mean, Jesus Christ returning to Earth only to battle a pack of lesbian lusting vampires? Just reading the back of the DVD box should dip your expectations. But, again, sometimes these little movies are worth a shot. Sometimes they surprise. Not so here.

The production standards are, again, student film-ish, as is the acting. The screenplay tries to incorporate too many things and becomes a quagmire. Kung Fu, lesbianism, Jesus Christ Superstar, and several other historical film themes are unsuccessfully meshed together.

The fact that the entire film was dubbed indicated two things: either the initial sound was terrible and had to be eliminated, or the filmmakers were trying (again) to add an old film theme to a somewhat newer idea. Either way, it failed to entertain.

There are many good B-movie productions out there, so don't let this one film put you off. Search for them and you might find a few like this lame duck, but there are others that'll knock your film socks off.

This is by far the worst movie I have ever seen and considering I've seen Sasquatch Hunters and Demons at the Door (both of which I hope you've never heard of, for sanity's sake)...that's saying something. The fights scenes are pathetically fake looking and the overall story drags into wretched tedium. It's not a terrible idea, but what they do with it is painfully retarded and not entertaining. I would suggest editing it, but unfortunately the only feasible thing to do would be to cut out everything after the very beginning and do something completely different. Since they couldn't get actors who are even slightly convincing they should redo it with finger puppets or something. I think that would be an improvement.

I feel betrayed. Here we have Jesus Christ engaging in martial arts combat. With vampires. Lesbian vampires. While teaming with El Santo. How can you miss!? Well, you can miss when you have no talent to back the thing up. The acting just hurt, the fight scenes were slow and dully choreographed, and the rendition of Santo was just depressing. It shows that some times a small budget can really hurt a movie.

The pacing is terrible--there is no sense of urgency at all and many actions aren't explained at all. Like I said, the plot is fantastic, I could barely contain my excitement, and yet it somehow managed to do everything wrong. I'm so sorry to give this movie a bad review, but I have to say it's only worth it for the morbidly curious.

I bought this a couple of years ago on DVD and it keeps warm in my player at least once a month. Although, most American audiences will just sit there dumbfounded at the lack of Hollywood cinematics, the B-movie all-stars will salivate. The makers truly used every resource they could acquire to make this B-movie stand out. Such notable features are: the soundtrack performed by "Pong Throb" and others, the type of film used, the writers, the superb acting, and a lack of over-zealous production. All of these elements brought together, make one hell of a movie.

Can we get a sequel?

I dont remember how I first came to know of this movie, but as soon as I saw the title, i knew I had to see it.

This movie is even worse than the title suggests. The plot is idiotic, the production is terrible, and it's got some of the worst editing and acting ever known to film. But that is precisely why it is so wonderful to watch!

Basically, the mostly non-existant plot consists of Jesus Christ updating his look (complete with earrings and new tennis shoes) and proceding to kick some vampire butt. Oh yeah, and he also likes to spontaneously break into song.

If you rent this movie, expect to fast forward through the "on the road" scenes. They are *very* extended (and seem to take up at least 60% of the screen time). These consist of just Jesus, and others, driving around in cars, not doing much. I think they added these because they didnt have much else to put in the final edit. Fast forward straight to the fight scenes. These are so bad and so rediculous that they're absolutely hilarious!

Jesus, vampires, disco soundtrack, Japanese-style bad synch-sound.

The film opens with a wild-eyed manic preacher standing in front of an abandoned house shrouded in huge weeds. It's a classic 70s exploitation flick reminiscent most strongly of characters in "Halloween," "Texas Chainsaw Massacre," "Night of the Living Dead" and "Rocky Horror Picture Show." When an homage film is hitting all cylinders right from the beginning, you know this is going to be good!

The film itself is shot on poor-quality 16mm stock, just like most exploitation films of the 1970s. The image is grainy, and the sound is not quite synched up with the action on the film -- just like in exploitation flicks from the 1970s. (Your immediate impression is that it's a "Godzilla" rip-off.)

Blood-sucking vampires are drinking the town dry of lesbians. And when the sun comes up, the vampires don't turn to dust! Some one evvvvillll is behind things.

The classic exploitation character of the ethnic priest (Father Eustace) realizes vampires are at work after his prize convert, Maxine Schreck, disappears. He dispatches his colleagues to the shores of the St. Lawrence River to get Jesus, who is down there baptizing converts. But the two priests and Jesus are attacked first by Maxine -- who's become a vampire -- and two others. Jesus pulls some kick-ass kung-fu moves on the vamps, drowning them. But Maxine manages to suck Father Jason and Jesus' convert dry first. The whole scene is a mixture of dead-pan humor, "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (or is it 1960s-style "Batman"?) punning, awful kung-fu moves and LOTS of fake gore.

Jesus agrees to dispatch the vampires for Father Eustace. But first, Jesus gets his hair cut short, his ear pierced and his beard shaved off. He soon does a song and dance number with some local street people and some local cripples, healing everyone and preaching love. It's hilarious, and very reminiscent of "Godspell," "Jesus Christ, Superstar" and "Oliver!" David Caracas, who plays Jesus, is perfectly cast in the role. He's handsome without being pretty, athletic, and sensitive. One audience member mentioned that he looks like the prototypical "youth minister" in a Protestant church!

Jesus soon meets his assistant, Mary Magnum, one of Father Eustace's buxomed female parishioners. She's a mixture of Diana Rigg circa "The Avengers," Catwoman from the "Batman" television show, and Elisabeth Shue from "Showgirls." Maria Moulton, who plays Mary Magnum, is one of the best things about the film. She has just the right mix of disbelief (she almost does asides and double-takes aimed at the camera), gravitas, boredom and humor to carry off the role.

Jesus decides to go shopping for wood for some stakes, and buys some logs at his local Home Depot. On his way home, though, a black SUV pulls up and five vampires pile out of the front seat and five pile out of the back seat. They surround Jesus. But Jesus kicks their ass using his kung-fu. Again, five vampires pile out of the front seat and five vampires pile out of the back seat. Again, Jesus kicks their ass using kung-fu. Again, five vampires pile out of the front seat and five vampires pile out of the back seat. Again, Jesus kicks their ass using kung-fu. Again, five vampires pile out of the front seat and five vampires pile out of the back seat. Again, Jesus kicks their ass using kung-fu. Again, five vampires pile out of the front seat and five vampires pile out of the back seat. Again, Jesus kicks their ass using kung-fu. Yes, after the FIFTH TIME -- it's almost like clowns piling out of a small car at the circus! (or like any mob attack scene in any Bruce Lee film) -- finally the two head vampires in black suits try to take down The Lamb of God. But he kicks their asses, too. Jesus picks up his wood and goes home. The action sequences here are so funny, you should see the film alone. The audience will laugh so hard and so loudly that you won't be able to hear the soundtrack.

Later, Mary Magnum takes Jesus shopping at a local consignment shop, where he tries on various clothes in an attempt to get hip and fit in (it's a funny segment). Soon, however, they notice Maxine and follow her to a local hospital. In the bowels of the hospital, the evil Dr. Praetorious (Josh Grace -- striking the perfect mix of evil genius and drag-queen without being hammy) is disemboweling and skinning a lesbian victim in front of Maxine and his other vampire minion, Johnny Golgotha. The deranged Doctor is skinning lesbians and grafting their skin onto vampires so the vamps can withstand sunlight.

Golgotha and Schreck head out to score more fresh bodies, and Jesus and Mary follow. They head for the local lesbian drop-in center, and find Johnny and Maxine already sucking on about 20 lesbians. They chase the vamps up onto the roof, where Maxine kills Mary and Johnny whips Jesus' ass. Oddly they leave Jesus alive. This is perhaps the weakest scene in the film. It lacks much of the humor in the fight scenes that the previous segments had, lacks much of the fighting that the previous segments had, and is pretty short compared to other parts of the film. Understandably, this scene is designed to cause the trite "hero gets discouraged" plot-line that follows, and so humor would be somewhat out of place here. But, that very lack of humor also makes this scene very out of place.

Jesus gets discouraged (typical for any action-adventure film) and has to have his epiphany and get his courage back. He heads for the local diner for something to eat. As he's about to dig into his ice cream sundae, it starts talking to him. Yes, God The Father is speaking to Jesus through the ice cream sundae. It's perhaps the funniest bit in the entire film. (Again, watch it alone to catch the dialogue. This film has a poor sense of timing, and doesn't give the audience time to laugh. Hence, some funny lines will be missed as people are guffawing in their seats.) God encourages Jesus to get his act together, so Jesus does. (Again, this may sound stupid. But then, so are similar "get your act together and stop moping" scenes in "Rocky" and "Conan the Barbarian.")

Jesus decides to get some help, and soon masked Mexican wrestler El Santos and his side-kick, big-butt'ed Edna Oddbottom, arrive to help Christ do battle with the unholy undead!

The film seems to digress into a dull, unfunny scene in a leprous blues club. There, it's love-at-first-sight for El Santos, who is enthralled with a local lesbian. When Jesus goes on stage to sing some blues-scat, he notices that no one in the audience casts a reflection in the mirrors behind the stage! THEY ARE ALL VAMPIRES! In a very funny fight scene, Jesus and El Santos kick blood-sucking behind. Vamps are impaled on drumsticks and pool cues, and Jesus blesses some beer and flings it at the vampires -- burning them with the impromptu "holy water." El Santos and Jesus head after the last vampires, but they are bushwhacked and knocked unconscious.

Our heroes are taken to the local junkyard for sacrifice. But since "God is everywhere," Jesus appears in two places at once -- doing battle with Johnny and Maxine at the junkyard but also battling Praetorius in his surgery. There's a funny fight scene in the junkyard, including some masked female vampire-wrestlers who take on El Santos (in a roaring parody of actual wrestling moments) and now-vampiric Mary -- who tries to run down Jesus with her motorcycle (shades of Evel Knievel!). Jesus defeats Dr. Praetorius. But when Johnny stakes Jesus in the heart, holy light pours of Jesus' wound. The vampires turn to dust, except for the lesbian and Mary Magnum. Jesus heals both women (which begs the question why Jesus didn't just do this to the other vampires). When Jesus asks how El Santos could love a lesbian, the girl replies, "I'm bisexual!" It's the second-best line in the film, and is quickly followed up with some great facial expressions by Jesus.

Later, Jesus holds a sort of "sermon on the mount" in the local park, reminding people that it's the message and not the messenger that's important. A crowd gathers and does an imitation of "Godspell" before the film ends. (Funny outtakes roll over the final credits.)

The film has the look and feel of an actual exploitation film from the 1970s. As funny as the picture already is, it could have been much more so. At times, some of the spoken humor seems very labored (that can't be said for the physical humor, which is absolutely pitch-perfect!). The bad synch-sound is annoying at first, but you learn to ignore it as the film goes on. The musical numbers would have been funnier had the sound been better so the audience could tell what the words were.

It's obvious that a lot of love went into this film. The weird cheap production actually added to it. I can't say I've ever gone in for B-movies before but I thought this one was brilliant.

Highlights for me included Mary Magnum, the good Transvestite (!) and the entrance of Santos. In fact, just Santos in general, he was excellent.

As someone else mentioned, the actor playing Jesus Christ is actually very good. I loved the way that Jesus was originally called into action by the punk priest whilst apparently baptising people. The writers clearly knew their bible-stories, apparently - and so a great deal of the film comes across as intelligent and well thought-out, cf. the sermon at the end.

All in all, there are so many fantastic ideas and pleasant surprises in this film. Really enjoyable.

Low budget doesn't have to mean tacky. This is obviously a "B" movie in everything you see, but it has a certain charm. Sometimes, it is a musical, but it certainly isn't Jesus Christ Superstar. Sometimes, it is a Kung Fu movie, but it's nothing like Jet Li.

I was hoping that Jesus would get it on with Mary Magnum, looking as hot as Cat-woman in her red latex, and maybe give some credence to The Da Vinci Code, but no luck.

Jesus was too busy stopping the harvest of lesbians by the evil vampires. Of course, he was pathetic until he enlisted the help of Nacho Libre, well, really Santo Enmascarado de Plata. But, even then things got a little tight before it was all over.

Irreverent dialog makes for one crazy movie.

I enjoyed everything about this film from start to finish. This should become an instant cult classic if it hasn't already. In the past I haven't even been a big fan of musicals or any B movies full stop, but I cannot fault this film. Even the concept of it is so ridiculously ludicrous that I knew it was going to be brilliant.

The fight scenes, stop motion and all, were honestly quite impressively choreographed and some of the jokes were incredibly funny such as the line "If I'm not back in five minutes, call the pope".

I would recommend this film to anyone as it contains a little bit of something for everyone; action, comedy, musical and a bit of horror.

Make no mistake - this is a REAL B movie. And it shows. The crew were working with a tiny budget and things like props, special effects, wardrobe etc, are all just incidentals that were tagged on if they had time or any money left to afford them. It looks like they didn't have any money left though!!! But that's the beauty of this movie. It's rawness is a major part of it's appeal. If JCVH had been made by a major company, it just wouldn't be right. It thrives on it's crudity. No major company would touch this movie though - they wouldn't have the balls to approach it's subject matter or the bravery to take a risk with it. So JCVH works perfectly as it stands.

I'm not going to go into the details of the movie; suffice to say that any movie with a religious godhead as a character is going to be controversial and may even be seen as blasphemous. But if you're going to watch it thinking it's a condemnation of Christianity, you'll be disappointed - if anything it reaffirms the core message that everyone should be cool to one another. And how can anyone disagree with that?

JCVH is not so much a laugh out loud movie. There weren't many instances where I was doubled up with laughter but I found myself sitting through the whole movie with a smile on my face. It's beauty is it's cleverness. At first glance, many of the jokes seem superficial, but when contemplated, you realise how much effort went into them and how original they are. Days later you may find yourself referring back to something in the movie and thinking to yourself "Wow!!! That is really clever!!!" It may sound strange, but JCVH is a movie that I found funnier in the days after I watched it. They say that revenge is a dish served cold. Likewise, that also seems to be the case with the humour in JCVH.

Many people won't get this movie. Nowadays, we expect everything to be sparkling and polished. That creates a veneer that often blinds us to the true substance - a terrible movie will often draw acclaim whereas that which doesn't meet this expectation and yearning for the artificial is consigned to the trash can. JCVH uses no trickery, no mirage or veneer - it relies on it's intelligence and rawness. And to tell the truth: it does it very, very well.