Rambone: The First Time (1985) watch online HD

Jack Hammer plays the Stallone clone in this forgotten junker, helmed with a pseudonym by Carter Stevens, who for some reason stopped using his original stage moniker with the coming of the '80s.

Opener has Hammer a lucky guy in a threesome, humping Carol Cross and newcomer Siobhan Hunter. There's even a theme song of sorts, and an SIA agent delivers verbal exposition while Hammer keeps hammering.

Our hero is sent back to the jungle to investigate a new form of torture, not concocted by Dick Cheney but rather by the Russians. Hammer's monotone, flat line readings stink, and Asia is impersonated by a nondescript forest setting.

George Payne is cast as the evil Russian, and after "Russian Fly" drug is administered Mai Lin guest stars as the femme fatale to go to work on Hammer. One funny gag has a "2 hours later" card inserted in the middle of an endless blow job, and Payne then joins in for troilism.

Dave Ruby shows up to yield yet another threesome, with Cross & Siobhan. Dumb patter makes fun of Stallone (mentioning "the Italian Stallion") and Carter includes hokey stop-motion for a money shot. When the girls want a muscular guy to service them, Ruby fetches Hammer, and supposedly these same two actresses are now playing different characters.

Running a decent gag into the ground, we're treated to inter-titles reading "4 hours later", "8 hours later" and "3 days later" during a sex scene. Stevens next utilizes an unusual split-screen effect to stylize a cum shot.. You can practically hear the wheels turnng in that great mind behind the camera.

Film devolves into sex-filler at this point, with Mai Lin in another threesome with Danielle, as "torture" of Rambone continues, and then there's more footage of Hunter, getting a d.p. Carter can't resist using the stop-motion and split-screen gimmicks over again.

Payne is angry that his female minions' torture techniques have failed, so the girls help Rambone to escape and he brings them back to America with him. Feature ends with a freeze-frame reprise of a cum shot, and promise of a sequel.

An early example of the long, steady cold spell that porn was to suffer with the onset of video production and distribution.