Hans Crippleton Talk to the Hans (2014) watch online HD

Hans Crippleton: Talk To The Hans is about a backwoods family of hillbillies who are plagued by a mysterious zombie curse. This story interests Barnaby Hunt, host of Horror Hunts, which is a documentary series dedicated to investigating the supernatural, horror legends and the downright bizarre. During his time with Hans Crippleton and his family of inbred hicks, we get to see their way of life as the mystery behind the curse is unveiled and Hans undergoes a rise and fall from fame.

There's a moment 3 minutes into Hans Crippleton: Talk To The Hans that not only sets the tone for the rest of the movie, but also makes you feel grateful to be witnessing such cinematic magic unfold. It involves Hans talking about his birth and we witness flashbacks to his mother trailing him along a field by the umbilical chord as she's chased by the undead. There's just something about a woman running away from zombies with her newborn inbred offspring still attached at the womb that tickles the funny bone, and it's one of many moments of transgressive humor that's sure make this movie the entertainment for beer and pizza nights for many years to come. Of course, it's also one of many moments that's sure to evoke outrage too, by the prudes who can't enjoy a good chuckle at the expense of political correctness. Hans isn't a movie that sets out to offend the masses, but it has no problem rubbing its inappropriateness in the face of good taste either... with giant pumpkin testicles.

When I received the screener for this little tease, I was expecting something completely stupid, but entertaining nonetheless, and even though it's completely bonkers and silly, it also provides a humorous outlook on modern society. Hans Crippleton: Talk To The Hands is an irreverent satire that mocks celebrity culture and reality television while poking fun at society's most conservative ethos. Kevon Ward (writer, producer and Hans in the movie) writes with a viewpoint similar to the likes of Matt Stone, Trey Parker, John Waters and Lloyd Kauffman. By that, I mean he's not afraid to gleefully cross that line, but at the end of the day it's just harmless fun. This movie doesn't take itself seriously for a second, and it's a joyous watch full of strange characters, toilet humor, cultural commentary and over-the-top violence. When watching the trailer, I recalled a Pink Flamingos vibe, and to my delight there was a nod to John Waters classic sleaze in Hans, where we see some pink flamingo ornaments on display. I always love it when influences are nodded to in a movie.

This has been described as an ''outrageous zombie comedy'' and it is; it's actually given the zombie sub-genre the refreshing kick up the arse it needed by bringing something original to the table. However, it's more like a mockumentary with zombies in it from time to time. The main focus of the film is the disgusting characters we get to know and love no matter how repelling they come across. It's amusing to see the rise and fall of our crippled anti-hero Hans, who loves booze, hookers and drugs. The script is witty and full of quotable dialogue like,''He's soliciting himself like a 2 cent hooker on nickel night.'' Watching this movie, I felt like a teenager again seeing Dead Alive, Bad Taste and PoultrygeistL Night of the Chicken Dead for the first time. It's absolutely vile, it's in your face and it's hilariously messed up.

Jimmy Lee Combs knows how to stretch a dollar too and is a director with a lot of potential. For a micro-budget indie production this is very presentable and well shot. As for the monsters and effects, well... prepare to blow your load. They look fantastic and achieve the right amount of balance between charming and nasty.

Fans of Troma should get a kick out of this.

Hans Crippleton, in this viewers opinion, is the logical extreme of any "reality" TV show. It is no more silly than Ghost Hunter and the Real Wives of Wherever rolled into one. We as the viewers are essentially treated to an episode of Horror Hunts with Barnaby Hunt, played by Andy Hankins. The "show" follows the life of Hans Crippleton, played disturbingly well by Kevon Ward, and his inbred family and their lives living on a rundown farm.

We are immediately greeted with a seriously "holy Toledo!" moment near the beginning of the film when learn of Hans' birth in a dirt field as his mother is being chased by zombies. Hans is dragged through a field by his umbilical cord. This scene immediately let's us know exactly why Hans is the way he is and what kind of movie this is going to be.

The Crippleton's are essentially the Kardashians of hilly billy, inbred zombie killers and Hans is the Kim of the family. He is the celeb among celebs of their community.

On a much deeper level, this movie pokes fun at the cliques in the film and acting community. Celebrity and its micro-chasms. Hans makes a "living" attending Horror Conventions, where he is regarded as one of the celebs. Even the entire inbred Southerner theme is actually more of an allegory for the incestuous relationships that go on in the movie business as a whole. While the horror movie genre would be the first guess, I tend to think this is shot across the bow at all movies like it. Even when you look at Comic Book conventions, and the stars they now attract you see the same people over and over again, celebrity begetting celebrity. Any Star Trek convention without Jonathan Frakes isn't really a Star Trek convention is it? Any horror convention that isn't "Hans Approved" really isn't a horror convention! Hans himself is a reminder of the price of celebrity and how fickle the world can be. It might also be a lesson to not take your 15 minutes too seriously and just enjoy them.

I don't want to put in too many spoilers so I will wrap it up by writing this: Watch this movie with an open mind, and an open mouthed laugh and you will enjoy it. Micro-budget films like this are something that are best approached with levity in your heart. You will find it much more entertaining if you do. If you expect big budget explosion after explosion, scenes doctored to the nth degree, and unlimited re-shoots to make it "perfect", than this type of movie is probably not for you.

Jimmy Lee Combs is a welcome addition to the micro-budget film genre, giving us a film that is funny, has layers, doesn't bury its message too deep, but allows us to dive in deep if we want to. Jimmy lets all that is sacred just hang out there like a piñata to be beat upon, and like blind-folded little kids, we can run around and laugh and have a good time doing so.

HANS CRIPPLETON: TALK TO THE HANS is nothing more than a juvenile trailer trash comedy from America. It's so dumb and ridiculous that only a 14-year-old American kid could enjoy it; I like to think that most viewers have a little more taste and sophistication than that displayed here, appreciating something with wit rather than stupidity.

Having the main characters and their physical deformities played for laughs makes this much more offensive than a controversial classic like FREAKS. It's crass and bad taste throughout, going for the gross out and nothing more, filled with overacting and poor effects. The addition of zombies to the mix did nothing for me either. I hated every second of it.

Without a shadow of a doubt this has to be the worst movie we have ever seen. It was so bad that we couldn't help but to watch it the whole way through. A family of genetically defected rednecks (through inbreeding) called the Crippletons who live on land that gets invaded by zombies every October due to a curse does an interview that spans the length of the movie on a fictional show called Horror Haunt. The title character Hans is a haunted attraction expert who garners publicity because of his odd appearance including his one very small and deformed hand. In fact, all the members of the family have some type of deformity with the low-tech makeup and prosthetics making them look like Muppets. There's also a doctor (we couldn't tell if he was part of the family or a friend) who has a manufactured eye that takes photographs who sews people back together all anatomically wrong. Momma Crippleton who has trouble getting up from the couch because of her obesity is given a gift to help her so she doesn't have to get up as much which is basically a rotted head with a leg attached.

Trouble ensues when Hans is bitten by one of the zombies and is is told he can no longer tour the country because of the danger of the spreading the infections. He is the moneymaker in the family, with the families moonshine business not viable enough to pay the bills. It's up to Hans and his family to solve the curse so that they can get things back to normal (or abnormal).

There were moments of comedy in the film. I actually found myself laughing out loud a couple of times even though I was watching the movie alone. The special effects are horrible with the zombies looking like characters from a high school haunted house. There's even a scene where the proverbial group of adventure seekers who know about the cursed farm go looking for a thrill and run into the zombies. Rather than being scared, one of the girls comments, "My grammar school could put on a better haunt than this". Hans Crippleton: Talk to the Hans makes Poultrygeist look like a Steven Spielberg film. The movie actually got a 6.8 out of 10 on IMDb which actually isn't that bad for the kind of movie. There's some text that pops up on the screen occasionally as well as a few cartoon scenes of the zombies interspersed between the live action which make the movie progress a little better than it otherwise would. If you're looking for a quality movie or something scary we wouldn't be able to recommend this film, but if you're looking for something campy or a pseudo horror film with some elements of comedy you might want to check it out.

Man oh man! What can I say? Without revealing what it is,... the opening scene of this movie IMMEDIATELY grabbed my attention and I couldn't tear myself away until the picture was finished. If nothing else I HAD to watch and see just HOW the outcome would turn out. Modern times with zombies taking over the film/TV industry this movie fits right in... and more. We can ALL use a little Hans for our troubled times. Now I have to hold myself down and wait for the sequel(s). Grab the popcorn and the mixed drinks and watch it. This one is destined to be a cult classic! Now where did I put my chainsaw? ... and my Jack Daniels?

I heard about this movie from an internet radio show that I listen to regularly, and just had to give it a watch. If you're a huge fan of Tromaville movies, this is right up your alley. The story of this movie follows a hillbilly named Hans Crippleton, and his Backwoods grotesque family,in where the town they live in is overrun by zombies. I was laughing nonstop in this movie, as it pokes fun nonchalantly at the whole zombie apocalypse genre, making them seem more of a nuisance than a global killer. Give this hilarious movie a chance and you will not be let down.