Kidnapped! (1972) watch online HD

KIDNAPPED! is an idiotic porn film, currently issued in a watchable Alpha Blue Archives hour-long version and rendered entirely cryptic in the shredded edition retitled as THE PEEPING CAMERA on Vol. 14 of Something Weird's Dragon Art Theatre series.

I initially saw the SWV video and was amazed at the almost avant-garde nature of the movie's nonsensical plot line. I was more recently surprised to see it does make sense in the full-length ABA edition, though the script is inane and insulting to one's intelligence.

More confusion: Something Weird saw fit to release a completely different film as "The Peeping Camera" on Vol. 93 of the DAT series. That film's correct title is actually KEEP F**KING, YOU'RE ON PEEPING CAMERA, as it is a porn spoof of the "Candid Camera" TV series, but it is not listed in IMDb at all.

The ubiquitous Suzanne Fields stars as Mona, a woman at the end of her tether, asking a friend, Chuck, for help in finding a mysterious pervert who's harangued her with threatening phone calls. She and Chuck talk us through the main plot of her child being kidnapped by the bloke, but even in the full-length movie this story cog is never developed properly -we don't see the kid and the resolution of the "suspense" is merely recited by Chuck.

Making matters worse, Fields is "all-porn" in this assignment, and in many scenes forgets completely about any offspring jeopardy, merely anxious to get into an f&s mode.

Mona has a list of names (a red herring), and Chuck decides to interview girls "in a similar situation" (unspecified) along with his pal Tom Quinn, seeking unspecified "information". Everyone talks in a roundabout way, suggesting a Monty Python spoof rather than a porn opus. Even when someone has nothing interesting to report they're greeted with an idiotic "you've been a great help" from our stalwart investigators. I would like to submit this "screenplay" to a committee handling the Edgar Awards for mystery writing -they would get a large charge out of it.

SPOILER:

Prostitution is a recurring motif of the girls interviewed (and laid, of course), including Rene Bond in her pre-breast enlargement state. Clues lead, irrationally, to a bar known as the Smash Inn, with clean-cut looking bartender Don becoming the prime suspect. Film ends abruptly when Chuck suddenly crashes Don over the head with a vodka bottle, after wrapping up the kidnap storyline with a handy-dandy speech that "everything's OK".

This is an interesting "before & after" example which is a useful research assignment (watching both extant versions on video) for anyone seriously interested in the history of porn cinema. The shredded version from SWV demonstrates how odd these quickies were, while the complete ABA edition proves that what finally constituted a completed film was purely arbitrary. It boiled down to delivering an hour-long programmer with explicit sex, all other niceties be damned.

The highlight for me was when Rene ad-libbed some garbled metaphor (comparing sex to edibles) that came out "you've already had the chicken broth, so come back for the brisket" -definitely food for thought.

Muzak soundtrack for this junker is particularly bad, leading off with a soppy version of the Beatles' "Michelle" and later reinforcing a patented Rene b.j. with the mellifluous melody of Bacharach's "What The World Needs Now Is Love".

Kidnapped! (1972)

** (out of 4)

Cult porn star Suzanne Fields plays a mother whose daughter has been kidnapped by some creepy pervert. Instead of going to the police she tells all of this to a friend who agrees to go with her to try and locate the kid. This here leads them both into a variety of sex scenes.

KIDNAPPED! is a pretty weak porno movie that has a few things going for it but at the end of the day it's yet another one of those films that was probably shot over a matter of days. There's no question that there's very little to no plot and the main goal of this picture was to just give people a number of sex scenes.

Of course, the sex scenes are what people wanted and they get some pretty good ones here. Fields is certainly an attractive woman and she does enough to keep the viewer entertained here. You've also got Rene Bond during one scene so fans of hers will be happy to see her. As I said, there's really not too much that happens here with a running time under a hour.