Look, No Panties! (1971) watch online HD

Suzanne Fields and Nora Wieternik, memorable leads of FLESH GORDON, are wasted for the umpteenth time in this dismal porn quickie. Instead of mediocrity the anonymous filmmakers actively sabotage their work. Something Weird saw fit to reissue it on video on Vol. 155 of its Dragon Art Theatre series.

The plot line is made elliptical by an amazing combination of poor writing and incompetent line readings/ad libbing. Film might prove useful being shown in acting classes or film schools to delineate the bottom limit of ineptness in one's craft.

Basically it's about an old coot Bill (played by a particularly repulsive actor, Bill Kirschner) who's planning to marry Suzanne Fields, daughter of an old female friend of his. They don't even come up with a name for Fields' character, even though she's the star of the movie.

His son Bill Jr. (Buddy Boone, most memorable as Sam Dobbs in a couple of XXX private eye movies) and his wife? (or girl friend, it's never made clear) Lora are plotting to get Bill's money and squeeze Fields out of the picture. Budding screenwriters will be amused by the device of cramming virtually all the plot twists and much of the action into exactly one minute at the end of the film - a riotously awkward and incompetent bit of amateur theatrics that would make Charles Busch blush.

Along the way Boone and Nora have an endless sex scene involving many positions in which she rides him St. George style about four or five different times. That eats up most of the running time, but the fans are treated to a crappy threesome of Nora, old Kirschner and a tall, unfamiliar actress wearing a bad blonde wig. Nora has to do the old mouthful of pina colada stunt in that scene to pretend that Kirschner's limp dick can produce a money shot.

Fields looks embarrassed at times, even though she's certainly made a ton of almost-as-bad 1-day wonders. Worst thing about this film is the director very loudly (louder than the actors' dialog delivery) yelling out directions to the thesps during the sex scenes.