Dark Vengeance (1992) watch online HD

This movie was just stunningly average. Decent concept, but the plot falters about 5 minutes into the movie and gets bogged down in a mind-numbingly boring morality play, complete with silly voice-overs, insipid bad guys (especially the leader, who's about as menacing as Richard Simmons), seemingly random fight scenes which seem to occur at specifically timed intervals when the terribly paced "story" footage runs out, and endless boring pointless shots of dune buggies zooming around in the desert.

Basically, this could've become mindless entertainment if they'd thrown out all the idiotic subplots, extended the fight scenes significantly and shaved the film's running time down to around 75 minutes. The characters are so inane that I keep wishing they'd just get on with killing each other so they'd at least shut up and stop reciting endless boring dialog from off-camera cue cards written on the spot. I literally had to focus on keeping myself awake while watching it. Mediocrity, thy name is Warlords 3000.

I suppose that I should begin with the first error I noticed in this film - which I spotted before I put the cassette in the VCR. Actress Denice Duff's name is misspelled on the VHS box, as her name is spelled with the more common "s" in place of the "c." But misspelling Ms. Duff's name comes second to the misspelling of the films title! The box proclaims this movie as Warlords 3000 while the opening credits boasts the title of Warlord 3000 - changing from plural, as in more than one warlord, to singular, with a lone warlord. Needless to say, after those two guffaws in the first minute, I wasn't expecting anything worthwhile.

I bought this film for a buck on EBay because two of my favorite lesser-known actors star is this film. Denice Duff of "Subspecies" fame and Wayne Duvall from "O Brother Where Art Thou." I am now certain Ms. Duff and Mr. Duvall place Warlord(s) 3000 on their resume with the utmost disdain.

There are so many errors in this film that I should have kept notes. The fight scenes are terribly staged and Ron Herbst's screenplay scrapes the absolute bottom of the barrel. His atrocious story-telling abilities make you laugh when he writes serious anti-war dialogue spoken through Denice Duff's character. And the climax! The cavalry show up, several humvees full of soldiers mind you, but only the General is shown in the final fight scene. Where on earth did his platoon go?!? Wow! I've seen some duds in my day, but this one rates near the top of the heap. For a bad film that is actually fun to watch, that is of the same genre, I should point you in the direction of "Stryker." Keep in mind though, "Stryker" is of the "so bad it's good mold."

VIOLENCE: $$ (Could have received a higher rating, because this flick is one non-stop fight fest, but the scenes are sophomoric. James Lew and Jay Roberts know how to jump and throw their limbs around, but the choreography was second-rate).

NUDITY: $$$$$ (I'd hate to come off as a Duffoholic, but she is the only reason I gave this stinker two stars. Denice Duff has a love scene with hero Jay Roberts, and she isn't quite as shy here as she has been in her other movies. What I found quite laughable was the day after their naked love-making, Denice spots a tattoo on Jay's forearm - under his jacket mind you, but somehow missed it during their threads-free bedroom romp. Denice Duff, if you don't know, is a true ethereal beauty).

STORY: $ (I've already blasted the story quite a bit, so more detail isn't really needed. To call Ron Herbst a second-rate screenwriter would be slapping true second-rate screenwriters in the face. This story, being of the Road Warrior fashion, is awful).

ACTING: $ (Wayne Duvall and Denice Duff, who I went into this film already enjoying, do adequate jobs here, as Herbst's terrible dialogue couldn't persuade me to write anything bad about two of my favorite thespians. Jay Roberts is a weak lead, although he dons the Mel Gibson mullet for the role. The rest of the cast... well, they give aspiring actors a reason for hope).

I've seen worse movies, but not without Tom Servo and Crow offering witty commentary. Where to start? Well, the acting is attrocious, the scriptwriting is inept, the plot was stupid, the cinematography was amateurish, the action scenes were worse than second-rate pro wrestling, and the editing took the 100 monkeys, 100 pairs of scissors approach. Do yourself a favor, watch a test pattern instead.