Fresh Cream (2014) watch online HD

I only watch Will Ryder videos on rare occasions, in this case because he was working for Adam & Eve, a label I collect as a completist. He gets a brownie point (or two) for location hunting, but that's about it.

Taking time off from his busy schedule of shooting lousy "parodies", Will goes gonzo in the "Immoral Proposal" mansion. Yes, my favorite site for XXX action is on display and even upstages the foreground sex at times. That's because "IP" is immensely photogenic, unlike watching an out-sized dick and an out-stretched pussy for 10 minutes at a stretch.

Chief identifier that Ryder is a hack is in the entrances of the males. Vet talent like Anthony Rosano and Barrett Blade saunter into the frame showing about as much energy and enthusiasm as a "Before" extra in a vitamin commercial. The lame format has each lovely actress posing and masturbating for the distorting-lens camera, followed by hunk entering the scene in time-honored Mandingo fashion - it's a job, pure and simple. Watching this particular video taught me that for all the BTS blather, the guys in porn do not enjoy having sex on camera -it's just a gig to pay those hefty lifestyle bills. Or maybe they're all gay?

The least animated in the bunch is Tommy Pistol, about as disinterested in this exercise as humanly possible and bearing a scruffy beard that I pegged as the porn equivalent to Joaquin Phoenix's latter-day appearance.

Mr. Ryder knows how to get under my skin, even though he's never heard of me (yes, paranoia runs deep). He's cast several of my favorite underrated girls, including Presley Hart and Chloe Dior, and manages to make them look bad. Box covergirl Jessa Rhodes fares a bit better, and I was taken with the jail-bait token Evilyn Fierce. I had previously seen the little cutie in a lesbian film, and unfortunately she (and her agent) are mired in the world of gonzo.

Feature's title derives from the "creampie" fetish that's going around lately. Will doesn't seem to understand the sub-genre's ground rules and two of the five "internal money shots" (oxymoron) appear to be strictly fake, with a preceding dissolve providing time for the old turkey-baster to plant fake spunk inside the actress's vagina, set to dribble out after the lame actor pulls his dick out without actually having an orgasm. Pardon my getting technical, but you've probably all heard Ron Jeremy's oft-repeated (it's on almost every Video-X-Pix DVD as a "bonus" feature) explanation of how cum-in-the-mouth shots were routinely faked back in the day: Ryder has merely adapted to a different part of the female anatomy.

Back to the "Immoral Proposal" mansion: Ryder barely paused on its identifying characteristics (lavish spiral staircase and unique oval-paned double-door entrance) in his spoof "Love, Sex & TV News". In "Fresh Cream" he has two of the vignettes staged at the base of the spiral stairs, with both the doors and the staircase filling up the background for well over half an hour. Enough is too much.